OCD
As I am learning more about myself and how to manage life with severe depression, I have gotten to a place where I am very particular with how I like my space. I have labels for everything. I have designated spots for everything and clutter tends to drive me crazy. I get made fun of a lot for this. My desk at work doesn’t have anything on it. My books and movies are in alphabetical order. You get the picture.
Now, people poke fun at me because of the level of organization I choose to live with by. Truth is I need that level of organization in my life. That is what got me and (still gets me) through the hard days. The days where I’m really down. The days where I feel like I can’t get out bed. The days where my mind is so bogged down I can’t make a decision or think or mentally slow down. I have a sense of security when I know where everything is and everything is always in its place; I never have to search for anything. Those few less decisions I have to make in a day (especially on a hard day), mean everything to me. Those moments where I don’t have to search for my car keys which could make me late somewhere. Those moments where I know my world around is set in stone when my mind is scrambled and my anxiety is high are everything.
When things start to get out of control in my space, I have to start cleaning and organizing again. It calms me. It keeps grounded. It gives me a sense of accomplishment on days when I feel I can’t do anything right.
I am a minimalist. And maybe through certain passages that I have read in the Bible God brought me to this space or maybe because I have grown to strongly dislike clutter and disorganization; but being a minimalist has been the best thing for my severe depression.
I am constantly looking for ways to minimize my possessions. I am constantly looking for and learning new ways to remain minimal in all that I do.
Being a minimalist is a part of my life and identity; I even minimize my dogs possessions every month.
In my world and in my mind, having excess stuff and large amounts of anything screams chaos. Chaos screams disorganized. Disorganized screams lack of control. If I don’t have some sense of control in my space, specifically when I am feeling my severe depression really hard (that could be a couple days to a couple of months at a time), I will continue to fall apart.
I admit I probably go a little to far with it, but if this is the level I need to be at in my own space to not feel overly anxious and to help me manage and control what I can during periods a depression, then that is what I will continue do.









